The Fatass And The Hoe
by candyoreos
Summary: Wendy never expected for Cartman to actually be nice to her. But why? Candy and various pairings. (MATURE CONTENT)
1. Chapter 1

~Wendy's POV~  
"Mmm. Oh Cartman... Wendy moaned. Oh fuck- FUCK NO!" she screamed as she woke up from her erotic nightmare. She threw her lamp across the room; totally not like her. "I wish I never even went to that stupid fucking party!" she declared.

-FLASHBACK-

The End-Of-Summer party at Token's house was smoking. 'Shut Up And Dance' was blasting the speakers. Most of the teens were drunk already; one high (Kenny; what do you expect?), and only several sober. Wendy was one of the sober. She promised her parents she wouldn't get drunk (She would get grounded if they found out, anyway.).  
She sat alone at the dinner table while Bebe was drunk-flirting with all the guys (including Clyde). "Hey, Wendy! Stan called out to her. Wanna play Seven Minutes in Heaven with the rest of the people who aren't flat-out drunk?"

"Sure..." She groaned as she followed Stan into the kitchen.  
Inside, about 7 teens sat on the tile floor, ready to play: Kyle, Cartman, Craig, Tweek, Annie, Token, Butters, and Red. Wendy sat by Red and Stan.  
"Who wants to go first?" Kyle asked.  
"Me."Craig responded,  
"Fine. Then you go with Tweek!"  
"Goddammit. Fine. Lets go, Tweek." Craig was still a little embarrassed that he dated Tweek.  
"GAH!"  
The couple followed themselves into the closet. Token locked it the door and set his phone timer to seven minutes. "Ready?"  
"Yeah. Sure."  
"N-no."

He started the timer. After about three minutes, the group of teens could easily hear moaning and screaming coming from the closet.  
"Oh, C-Craig! P-Please! This is b-bad-OH! they heard Tweek moan.  
"HAHAH! Cartman laughed hearty. They _are_ fucking!"  
After seven minutes, the timer went off.  
"Here it goes." Token gulped. He unlocked the door and opened it.  
Inside, Tweek was in a lying position, while Craig was between his legs; Tweek's cum all over his face. Token just stood there; not moving.  
"Can we have some privacy?" Craig growled.  
"Then get a room." Token grunted.  
Tweek zipped up his pants and Craig went to get paper towels.  
Cartman had tears coming out of his eyes as Craig got the paper towels from the kitchen.

"HAHAHAHAH! OH MY GOD, I'M FUCKING DYING, DYING-"  
Cartman, since you won't shut up about Tweek and Craig's 'incident', maybe you will shut up by going into the closet with Wendy! Kyle smirked.  
"WHAT?!" they both exclaimed.  
"Yeah! Now both of you: get in the closet! Token laughed as they were both pushed into the closet.

They could hear the door being locked. "GODDAMMIT, TOKEN! OPEN THE FUCKIN' DOOR! Cartman screamed, pounding his hands on the door, while Wendy sat in an squatting position; her face in her hands.  
"If you won't shut the fuck up, I'll make it fourteen.  
Cartman continued to pound his hands on the door. That's it! I'm making it fourteen!"

"CARTMAN! Wendy screamed. Stop it! He'll make it twenty-one minutes!"  
"I'm trying to free us, hoe."  
"TWENTY-ONE!"  
Wendy grabbed Cartman's strong hands and finally stopped him.  
"ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE IT LONGER?" she screamed.  
"TWENTY-EIGHT!"

"F-fuck, she whispered as she dropped the obese teen's hands. I'm sorry.."  
she started to cry as Cartman just stared at her with shock. _"She's-she's crying.. he thought. She's actually crying.."_ The real Eric Cartman would laugh and call her a stupid hippie. But his conscience told him not to this was crazy, but even Eric Cartman had a conscience. Look, I-I-I'm s-sorry." he whispered as she cried. It was the first time when he meant it when he said sorry.

"Are y-you sure?" she whimpered.  
"Yes."  
"O-ok."

They sat on the floor for a couple minutes until Wendy could notice Cartman's aching erection forming in his pants. Wendy could feel herself blushing. Wendy awkwardly went on her phone and texted her mom to pick her and Bebe up. Finally, their time was up. "How was it? Kyle smirked. Did you-"  
"Shut up!" Wendy snapped.  
At the worst time possible, her mom said that her car wasn't starting and that she couldn't pick her up.

Wendy went outside and sat on the steps of the massive mansion, when an obese figure appeared and sat next to her.  
"Where's your bitch of a mom?" Cartman grimaced.  
"Her car wouldn't start and Bebe is too drunk to drive." she grunted.  
"Yeah, well everyone's basically drunk or high now so no one here could drive you home. Even fuckin' Butters tried pot."  
"How about you? You have a car, right?"  
"I don't drive hoes home." he smirked.  
"But I'm not a hoe." she smirked back.  
"Yes."  
"No."  
They argued about Wendy being a hoe until he finally gave up.  
"Okay. I drive _some_ hoes." He chuckled.  
They talked for a while; less arguments then usual. They talked until Wendy said she was tired.

"Ok, hippie hoe, lets drive you and the blonde slut home." She chuckled. Wendy had to admit. Bebe was a big slut; from Clyde to Kenny, she probably had too many STDs to count.

Wendy went back into the house. Inside, the only thing she could smell was the strong scent of booze, vomit, and marijuana. Many of the teens were passed out; some dancing; and some having sex upstairs. Thankfully, Bebe was one of the ones dancing.

"C'mon, Bebe, lets- GO!" she said as she tried to pull her friend out of the massive house.  
"No! I'm havin' FUN!" Bebe slurred.  
They were out of the mansion after ten minutes. "C'mon, Wendy, I wanted to have FUN with Clyde!"  
"No, Bebe. Your mom would kill you if you would have to use birth control again. Wendy huffed as she lunged her blonde friend into the back seats of Cartman's car. Plus, you're drunk."

When Bebe was finally in the car, Wendy sat herself into the passenger seat and Cartman started to drive. "Where is her house, hippie hoe? Suddenly, Wendy didn't feel that offended by Cartman's nicknames at that moment. She just seemed to shrug them off.

"Over here, fatass."  
"AGH! I'm not fat! I'm big boned!"  
"Whatever." she rolled her hazel eyes.  
He pulled in front of Bebe's house.  
"Now, take your little drunk hoe into her hoe house." he groaned.  
Wendy took her passed-out best friend and ringed her house doorbell. Bebe's father answered it.  
"I'm sorry for-"  
"Don't worry about it, Wendy. Her dad interupted. We knew this would happen, so that's why I was up. Did she, you know.."  
"Not of what I saw."  
"Good. You're a great friend, Wendy. She blushed. Anyway, goodnight." he said as he carried her into the house.  
"Goodnight."  
He closed the door. Wendy walked back to Cartman's car and closed the door behind her. "She's going to get killed. Wendy gulped. But at least she's home."  
Cartman drove the rest of the way in silence. _"Should I tell her? he thought._ Cartman loved Wendy ever since third grade, but he would never say because of his stubbornness. _No, that would be a bad idea.  
_ They finally reached their houses, which were perfectly right next door to each other. _Should I?_ "  
"Hey, thanks for driving me and Bebe home." Wendy thanked him.  
"Hey, no problem, hippie hoe."  
"Wendy?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I-II- nevermind."  
"Ok. Bye!"  
"Bye."  
Cartman watched her walk away. He focused on her hips the most. The brown-haired teen got a hard-on right away. "I need her. NOW." he demanded as he slammed his fists against the dashboard.

Wendy got ready for bed. She felt a little wet down there, but she shrugged it off. She finally climbed into bed and fell asleep for the next morning.

Wendy found herself in a beautiful place filled with grassy meadows and with a gorgeous sunset. She was sniffing flowers, when she finally saw Cartman: shirtless and on his white stallion. "Cartman! she called to him. They hugged tight as she said, Tell me it will be like this forever!"

"It will be like this forever!"

"Oh, Cartman!"

Wendy swore she had this dream before, but couldn't think while Cartman gently stroked her cleavage- OH GOD THAT FELT SO GOOD. He ripped off her shirt, revealing her petite breasts. He started to touch, then pinch, her erect nipples. "Aaaahh. Oh Cartman, don't stop, Aaaahh.."

-END OF FLASHBACK-

Wendy calmed down as she cleaned up the broken fragments of the lamp. "A great start to a great day.." she said to herself as she threw the pieces into a trashcan.


	2. Chapter 2

Wendy would have to take the bus today. Bebe would be too hungover to go to school, and anyway, if her parents told her to, she would just skip with her accomplice, Clyde. _"Bebe and Clyde."_ She chuckled to herself.

As she walked past Cartman's house to the bus stop, he called out to her. "Hey, hippie-hoe, want me to drive your weed-ass to school?"  
"I'm. Not. A. Hippie. Hoe."  
"So...is that a yes or a no?"  
What the hell. "Fine." It was embarrassing to go on the bus as a senior, anyway.

She grabbed her bookbag and dropped it on the floor of the car.  
"So, what does the hoe want to listen to?" Cartman asked he opened and pointed to the disc compartment.  
Wendy picked out a Green Day 'Kerplunk!' disc and popped it into the player.  
"Wait. You like Green Day too?"  
"I listen to it sometimes," she replied. "It calms me when I'm stressed."

The disc loaded and began. The first song? '2,000 Light Years Away'. It was one of Cartman's favorites.  
 _  
I sit alone in my bedroom  
Staring at the walls  
I've been up all damn night long  
My pulse is speeding  
My love is yearning  
_  
Cartman looked to his right to see the majestic and beautiful Wendy. "Goddammit, she's pretty." he thought.

 _I hold my breath and close my eyes and...  
Dream about her_

Cartman thought of the dreams he had about her, both erotic and non-erotic.

 _Cause she's 2000 light years away_  
 _She holds my malachite so tight so...  
Never let go  
Cause she's 2000 light years away  
Years Away!_

He thought about how far away from her he felt when they fought, especially during that fight in fourth grade.

 _I sit outside and watch the sunrise_  
 _Lookout as far as I can_  
 _I can't see her, but in the distance_  
 _I hear some laughter,_  
 _We laugh together_

He thought of the times when they did get along and had conversations, even the small ones.

 _I hold my breath and close my eyes and...  
Dream about her  
Cause she's 2000 light years away  
She holds my malachite so tight so...  
Never let go  
Cause she's 2000 light years away  
Years Away!_

 _I sit alone in my bedroom  
Staring at the walls  
I've been up all damn night long  
My pulse is speeding  
My love is yearning_

 _I hold my breath and close my eyes and...  
Dream about her  
Cause she's 2000 light years away  
She holds my malachite so tight so...  
Never let go  
Cause she's 2000 light years away_

The disc mysteriously stopped and they sat in silence for the remainder of the ride, until Cartman parked the car in his spot. "Oh look, we are at school." Wendy exclaimed, breaking the awkward silence.  
"Great."

-  
The pair walked together to their groups of friends, when they could see and hear others snickering and whistling in their direction.  
"How the fuck did _they_ hear about it?" Cartman blurted. "Most of them were passed at that point."  
"Rumors go around, Cartman." Wendy said. "Its not like we made-out or anything, though"  
"You are telling fibs, Wendy!" Gregory barked. "You did more than 'made-out'!"  
"Yeah!" Token cheered. "You lost your virginity to that fat loser!"

Cartman grabbed Token by his turtleneck collar. "1. We did not 'make-out'," Cartman said with gritted teeth, " and 2. She did not lose her virginity to me, nor am I a fat loser. Got it, you rich black asshole?"

Token nodded and Cartman dropped him. "Good. Now don't you dare tell anymore rumors to the student body."  
"Who said I wouldn't?" Token smirked.

That was a bad move for Token, because the next thing you know, he got a punch from Cartman so hard in the face that the impact had to knock some teeth out. Stan and Wendy had to hold Cartman back so he didn't do it again.

"O-Okay, okay, I won't again!" Token begged.  
"You fucking better." Cartman declared. Wendy and Stan dropped him. "Lets go, fags." Cartman said to his gang. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny thought it would be a good thing not to say anything back.

Stan looked back as Token's gang carried him to the nurse. Craig stared at him with that 'Thanks a lot' look on his face. Stan felt bad, but he didn't have the heart to help them and betray Cartman. The bell rang for homeroom.  
"Goddammit." Cartman cursed.  
Half of the school was late to homeroom.

It was after first period. The _entire_ school heard about the incident, so Cartman was called up to the principal's office. Possibly the punishment would be for a week of in school suspension, or even worse, being expelled from school. But it didn't matter, anyway. Token got what he deserved: For pushing him in that closet with his crush and saying to everyone that it was he who earned her virginity (Even though, as the pervert he was, would like).

Cartman walked his way, when he crashed into Kenny. "What the fuck, dude?" Kenny exclaimed. Kenny changed as much as everyone as everyone else did. He traded his infamous hoodie for a old dirty gray beanie, but kept his orange color with another orange hoodie; not as colorful and vibrant as the first. He looked pretty much like the stoner as he was.

"Watch where _you_ are going, Kenny!" Cartman exclaimed. "Remember: I knocked three of Token's teeth out."  
"Oh fuck you, man. Anyway, where are you goin'?"  
"To the principal bitch. Where are you going?"  
"Same place. Got caught smuggling weed again."  
"Oh, kewl. By the way, Kenny, its _this_ way."  
"Oh-oh yeah, I knew that."  
" _Kenny must be high off his ass right now.._ " Cartman thought. " _Actually, when I think about it, he is always high off his ass..."  
_  
Cartman could see Kenny's 'smokey eyes' as well, so that was another sign.  
"So, Kenny, wanna go to the principal's now?"  
"Nah. I'm going to do some crack behind the school. Bye, Cartman."  
"Umm, bye.."  
Same old high Kenny.

Cartman walked into the office, to find the unwelcoming figure of Principal Victoria.  
"Eric, you don't know how disappointed I am with you." she said.  
"Well, I really don't give a fuck." Cartman smirked.  
"Anyway.. I decided, since you are a senior, that I will give you detention for 2 weeks. Plus, you have to write an apology to Mr. Black."  
"Detention? An apology? What the fuck? He needs to give me an apology-"  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Cartman, this is the only way you won't be kicked out of-"  
"Ok, ok. Where the fuck is my slip?"

She handed him the slip and a piece of paper. "Here's your slip and the piece of paper you need to write the apology on. Goodbye, Eric."  
"Goodbye, you big piece of asswipe." Cartman mumbled.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Nothing, maam."

That's it for this chapter! R+R!

-Marta Way 


End file.
